“Domestic abuse is not just physical…It is also mental and psychological ” – Stella Damasus’ Tells Personal Story

Yesterday, movie star Stella Damasus shared an insight into the abuse she suffered in the past, specially in 2009, at the hand of the man she was dating at the time.

She explains in a post on her website that domestic violence doesn’t have to be physical. In her case, it was mental and psychological and she says sometimes that can be worse.

Read her story on “Stripping Myself unclad” below.
I wrote a blog a while ago called DATING MY ABUSER, and was shocked at the number of women who sent emails talking about the abuse they had faced. My heart was so heavy as I realized how bad things have gotten and how silent we have been over the years. One woman’s email really touched my heart and that is why I decided to share another experience.

Stripping myself unclad in front of the world is not an easy thing to do, but when my experience encourages, heals and informs others, then it is the right thing to do.

I remember one day in 2009, I had just signed a contract with a new management company and they sent their marketing manager to take pictures of me so that they could build a press kit and other materials for work.

The man I was dating at the time was in my house for a visit, and we were both in the living room when the marketing manager came in. As he entered we exchanged pleasantries and I introduced him to my boyfriend who gave him the most arrogant and disgusting look ever.  The marketing manager brought out his hand to shake him but my boyfriend walked away and didn’t even acknowledge his presence.

I apologized to the guy who was really shocked as he was sure they had never met. He was so confused and had to ask me if he did something wrong.  I was highly embarrassed but had to quickly change the subject as usual.

I say as usual because it was becoming a trend with my boyfriend.

I knew how arrogant my boyfriend could be but I didn’t think it would be that bad.

Anyway, I went upstairs to meet the glam squad in my dressing room so they could do their magic. When I was done, I got dressed and foolishly went to my boyfriend in the other room so he could see how beautiful I looked and maybe get a compliment. Instead, he looked at me and started calling me all sorts of names. I cannot even begin to mention the names I was called.

Now, you may read this and wonder why he would call me names without provocation. That is how the mind of an abuser works. They don’t need provocation to abuse you. They just want to show and boost their power over you.

To those who have never experienced emotional and mental abuse, this is absurd.

At this point, I was used to hearing those names but for some reason, I still could not end the relationship. On different occasions, I had tried to end it but I was not psychologically strong enough.

This sounds strange coming from someone like me who is bold and fearless right? It may shock you to know that when men like that come into your life, they study your strengths and weaknesses. Then they begin to attack your weaknesses and make you even more vulnerable. The next thing they do is to systematically isolate you from those who are supposed to be your support system. At that time you will not even notice what he is doing because you will begin to think he cares for you more than anyone else.

He had already messed with my mind. I felt helpless and small.

I had the courage to ask him what I had done wrong and you would not believe the answer I got.

He said “you guys think I am stupid, why would you ask them to send a guy who looks like that to you. Don’t they have women who work for them?”.

I told him I had no control over who they send or who they employ.

He responded by saying, “it’s your house so if you have any respect for me you would have made sure it was not a guy who speaks with a nice accent, dresses well and is cute; coming to your house. What if I was not here? You were already smiling like a fool even though I was right there.